I had just found out I was pregnant with our third child. I believe we found out when I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant. We were excited but at the same time, I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that I wasn’t going to carry the child all the way. I even expressed that to my husband who just kind of dismissed it.
When I was about 10 weeks, I started spotting. We went into the ER and got checked out. They did a sonogram and baby had a heartbeat and everything. They mentioned me being like 9 weeks along and that was a little off but didn’t think much of it. They told me to make an appt with my OB and get checked. It was a Saturday and I had already had an appt scheduled that Thursday so I had decided to wait until then. Thursday comes around, I go in and while they are doing the sonogram, I noticed that the tech wasn’t as talkative and sharing of information like I’m use to. They just said to wait for the doctor. So I wait for the doctor and was told that there was no heartbeat. The baby had died.
They gave me options to do a D & C or to pass it naturally. I chose to go the natural route. I remember going home that Thursday and had a friend at my house watching the kids. It was kind of surreal because I still had the nausea. I started praying, “Lord, you have the ability to bring back to life. I pray that you would do a miracle and allow this baby to live.” I shared that with my friend and we started to pray that. I was convinced that the Lord could do a miracle and it would be an amazing story to share.
Friday rolled around and then I started to bleed. My body became very fatigued that weekend. It was like I was depressed or in mourning because all I did was sleep all day. When I was awake, I would try to eat something yet I didn’t have an appetite. I would get up long enough to try and eat something. I was a little nervous about miscarrying and so I googled it to see what to expect.
What I got was story after story after story of women who had miscarriages after miscarriages. There were so many stories of heartbreak of parents just wanting one child and here I already had 2 very healthy kids. I was sad that I was miscarrying but to be honest, it wasn’t emotionally crippling and devastating to me. I think the Lord really had prepared my heart. I have friends who couldn’t even talk about their miscarriages because they were too torn up about it. Maybe it was the fact that it was a surprise to be pregnant, the fact that I had the nagging feeling of not carrying all the way and the fact that I wasn’t pregnant very long, that I wasn’t a mess. I do know that the Lord really protected me in that way.
As I read story after story after story, my heart went out to these women. All that weekend, I spent my time falling asleep praying for these women and all women who couldn’t carry. I’d wake up and be in prayer, I’d fall asleep praying and my heart was so heavy as I went through this ordeal. I turned my sadness into thankfulness for what we had been blessed with and turned my focus to praising God and praying for others.
I was still very nervous about the actual miscarrying because I had heard how painful it was. I finally passed the baby on Monday and God’s miracle to me was that I didn’t feel a bit of pain. Sometimes God allows us to go through things to give us a heart of compassion for others. I was able to have 2 more healthy kids after this miscarriage. My sad experience has given me a big heart for those who deal with this heartache and they have a prayer warrior who will lift them up in prayer.